What Have I Done Today?

            What have I done today that moves me toward my goal? This vital question should be uppermost in your mind. It will help you focus on what you are actually doing to move yourself forward. Notice the wording,”What have I done.” It puts the emphasis where it should be. It is not what has someone else done to help me. It is not who is to blame for my current situation.

            What means exactly what; be specific. It is asking for specific steps that you took, not steps you thought about taking and not those you wished you had taken. Today means the preceding twenty-four hours or at least those you were awake. Toward is an important direction. We often take many steps that move us away from our goal. We sabotage ourselves. We daydream. We waste time. We are negative. We play the blame game or we play the victim role

            None of this matters if you are not specific about your goal or goals. What do you want to achieve? Make it specific. You must be able to measure it. Make it reasonable. It must be possible given your resources of time, money, and abilities. It must be time oriented. It must provide a reasonable challenge. If it is too difficult or too easy you will stop working toward it. I must also be important to you. If you don’t care then what difference does it make?

            This question jumped out at me years ago in remarks made by former University of Alabama and Kentucky football coach Bill Curry. It goes right to the heart of the matter. Do not let a day go by without asking yourself this question and spending some quality time answering it honestly. What you did or did not do yesterday does not matter. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not arrived. What you plan to do tomorrow does not matter. You may or may not do it. We all know about good intentions. It is today that matters.

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Polish Your Image

            In economic down times such as these you need every edge you can get to position yourself as the right person for the right job at the right time. When times are tough, it is time to return to the basics, to the tried and true. People want to feel comfortable with you. In times such as these employers are less willing to take a chance. Manage your image. Everything counts. Remember that you are always on stage. Someone is always watching. You are always communicating. Make certain that you communicate the message that you intend to send. If it is possible to misunderstand what you say or do, someone will.

Be well groomed – hair, fingernails, shoes, crisp appearance.

Be polite. Put the other person at ease.

Be attentive. Maintain eye contact with the other person.

Listen actively. Do not fake it. Listening is key.

Scrub your language. Use absolutely no profanity.

Adjust your attitude. Be positive and enthusiastic – not cocky.

Be early. If you are late, you are dead.

Be prepared to answer and ask questions.

Be honest and tactful.

Under no circumstances criticize your previous employer.

Practice your handshake. It should be firm, but no death grip.

Send a thank you note after an interview.

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Empathize – Key 50

           How do we know how we would behave under the same circumstances? Put yourself in the other person’s position before you condemn or ridicule. Feel his or her pain. Share his or her joy. It is easy to judge when we are not involved. We can never know what is going on inside another person. We do not know what his or her world is like. Be kinder than necessary because everyone is struggling with some problem. Do not say that you know how she or he feels because you do not. You may have had similar circumstances, but you are not the same. It is often easier to empathize with pain than it is for joy. Envy often gets in the way of our pleasure about someone else’s joy. Resist envy. You can truly feel joy for someone else.

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Thankful Thursday – Vereen Coen

           Vereen Coen, Mrs. Richard, was the president of the Charleston Speech and Hearing Center Board of Directors that hired me in 1964. This was an exceptional community board and Vereen was the dynamo that kept it rolling. When Liz and I came to Charleston to look for housing, she drove us all over the area and Suzanne stayed at her house with her housekeeper. Her mother, Mary Vereen Huguenin, was the founding president of the then Junior League School of Speech and the co-editor of Charleston Receipts, the fabulous cookbook that supported the center for so many years. Over the years our friendship continued to develop and Vereen has remained a supporter. I always look forward to her cheerful telephone calls. She is one of the most positive, out-going people I know. She has made such a tremendous contribution to Charleston and to my life. Today I am thankful for this outstanding community volunteer and friend Vereen Coen.

             Take every Thursday to recognize someone you are thankful for and let him or her know it. You will be glad that you did. Enlist others to join us in creating an attitude of gratitude. Why just Thursdays? We should be thankful every day and that is the goal; however, if it were every day, it would soon fall by the wayside.

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Forgive – Key 49

            It is impossible to move forward until we forgive ourselves as well as others. Unless we forgive our future is blocked. Refusal to forgive means we have condemned ourselves to a poorer more unhappy life. It means that the past is holding us captive. The hurt and bitterness will continue to grow and fester and will eventually consume us. It will zap all of the air out of the room and leave us exhausted. There is absolutely no payoff for holding on to hurt. Let it go.

            You probably will not be able to forget. Forgetting is different from forgiving. We need to learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. We need to learn also from the way we handled or mishandled our responses to those transgressions. These are growth experiences if we are willing to accept ourselves and others for who and what we are. We are human beings who make mistakes, who sometimes get things wrong, who disappoint ourselves and others. We are also human beings who most often get things right, who are generous, loving and kind.

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